


fit you better than your favourite sweater

by childrenbehave



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Lilo Summer Fic Exchange, M/M, feelings are hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-30
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2018-02-06 21:06:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1872444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/childrenbehave/pseuds/childrenbehave
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’s angry when they first kiss. He’s so angry because he likes Liam so much and Liam likes him back, he knows, but it doesn’t feel like enough. It doesn’t feel like enough at all when all Louis wants to do is hold Liam’s face between his palms and kiss him until their stubble rubs their mouths raw and red and Liam can’t breathe out without breathing in Louis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	fit you better than your favourite sweater

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sunsetmog](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsetmog/gifts).



> This is for **sunstemog** which wasn't intimidating at all writing for one of you favourite writers, nope. I was very cool about it. And there were so many good prompts and I hope you like this! This is just a lot of them being bad at feelings and communication while being utterly gone for each other and yeah all my sad sappiness just came out here. I'm just going to stop talking now and hide.
> 
> Thank you so much to Zaf and Natasha who beta and britpicked for me they are champions and I love them a lot. Any left over mistakes are all mine.

He’s angry when they first kiss. He’s so angry because he likes Liam so much and Liam likes him back, he knows, but it doesn’t feel like enough. It doesn’t feel like enough at all when all Louis wants to do is hold Liam’s face between his palms and kiss him until their stubble rubs their mouths raw and red and Liam can’t breathe out without breathing in Louis. 

They’ve been quietly fighting so much lately. Low and sharp as not to let the others know anything is wrong, but of course they do. They’re all too tangled up in each other to not notice the smallest shifts, but they’ve been doing okay. Except--

For all the times Louis bites at his lips or snarls at Liam, pushing and pushing and pushing and Liam doesn’t always push back the right way. Not the way Louis wants (needs) and not any way Louis can tell Liam about. 

But they all have a breaking point and theirs comes in the rehearsal studios with Liam tossing a wadded up piece of paper, face stern and voice full of frustration.

‘Just tell me what the bloody hell you want from me!’

And Louis has cracked. It’s the only explanation for his actions. It’s the only explanation for why he stalks up to Liam and straddles him on the sofa and bites at his mouth. Liam’s eyes go wide and his hands flutter and clench at Louis’s side when Louis says, ‘Everything. I want everything.’

He slants his mouth with Liam’s and swallows Liam’s groans and the part of him that waits for Liam to push him off fucking _sighs_ when feels Liam lick into his mouth and twist his fingers in Louis’s hair. He pulls at Louis, pressing their bodies close, and Louis always knew it would be like this. Always wanted it to be like this. Something undefinable, unquenchable. Even with Liam’s other hand slowly stroking down his back, his hand cupping Louis arse, and deepening the kiss to the point where the frustration has ebbed away into something smoother, warmer, it’s still there. 

That edge where it doesn’t feel like enough when all Louis wants is the imprint of Liam’s fingers on his wrists and Liam’s body pressing him against walls. 

He’s getting angry again, tilting Liam’s head back to bite as his jaw and grinds down on his cock, because he wants so much (from Liam, for himself) and he hates the wants. Hates feeling like he’ll always be left with less and then--

And then--

Louis gasps because Liam’s digging his fingers into his hips, hard and biting, and there’s something about it that grounds Louis. Something that settles this wild storm in his chest and lets him for a second think that maybe, just maybe, Liam wants just as much as he does. Liam pulls him down on his cock harder, and he can feel Liam’s hard on against his own.

Then Liam says, ‘I want everything with you too, Lou.’

He digs his hand into Louis’s hips and ass and that’s when Louis comes.

*

They really need to talk about this. What it means, where they go from here.

They don’t.

They grin dirtily at each other and Louis drags Liam home and lets Liam fuck him into his mattress. Bites Liam’s neck as Liam holds his hands over his head and makes him come without even touching him. 

As they fall asleep, they curl around each other and Liam’s grin is sunny as ever as he kisses Louis and tell hims: ‘I love you, Tommo.’ and kisses his wrists.

Louis grins and cuddles into Liam. 

‘Love you too, Payno.’

Louis falls asleep with one of Liam’s arms flung over his back, smelling like Liam and sex, and smiles. 

*

It’s strangely easy to keep it to themselves after that. Rehearsals haven’t officially started and they’re scattered about. Harry flies off to L.A. Nialler is back home with his dad and Zayn is either sleeping or following Perrie around on tour. He and Liam still do their normal things, but they’re ending up in the same bed most night. All nights.

Louis likes feeling the weight of Liam’s limbs sprawled over his body; Liam sleeps like a bloody starfish and even when they don’t cuddle there’s an arm or leg digging into some part of Louis’s body. 

It’s not really on purpose that they don’t mention they’re together to anyone. It really isn’t.

They’re all trying to squeeze every last bit of time they have before the madness of tour starts, and Louis wants to squeeze every second he has Liam all to himself. It’s selfish, he’s well aware. But tour stretches them out so thin.

Liam tries so hard to be there for everyone, be bright and happy and take care of all of them. And Louis knows he gets the same way, just differently. Their balancing act is now practically instinct that they just flow into it without a thought. They love touring, they all do, but there is a push and pull, and sometimes it does weigh.

So he can’t feel guilty or bad about not wanting to share Liam just now. They haven’t really discussed when they’ll tell everyone -- it’s a thought with Eventually stamped over it -- but he doesn’t feel the rush of it. Neither does Liam. 

Maybe they’re both being a little selfish about it. 

Maybe they’re both being a little careful about it, too.

When he looks at Liam, sitting on the floor in front of the telly, rolling (and horribly at that) a spliff, as Breaking Bad plays in the background he just wants to curl himself over Liam’s shoulder, bite at his neck, mark him up and keep him close. It’s not quite protectiveness that he feels. It’s sharper, brighter, redder. 

Shifting forward on the couch, he draps one leg over Liam’s shoulder and runs his fingers through Liam’s hair. Liam hums, pushing his head harder into Louis’s fingers. 

Something flares in Louis’s chest. 

Precious, he thinks. This moment of quiet and love is precious. 

He tugs Liam’s head back lightly and bites at Liam’s mouth. 

Liam opens his mouth and lets Louis lick his way in. His mouth is wet and the faint smell of weed in the room makes the whole thing feel headier than it probably is. Louis isn’t complaining. Louis likes how weed makes every touch of Liam feel deeper. Liam tugs him down to the floor, the carpet soft against his back while Liam is hard on his front. 

‘Fuck, I love how you taste. Like sweets and smoke,’ Liam says, dragging his teeth against Louis’s jaw. Louis tugs him back to his mouth because fuck yes, this is what he wants. This moment where there’s no else but them. Tour is ages away, the boys are all busy, and Liam’s hands are digging into his arse aligning their dicks. 

‘It’s the weed and Haribos,’ Louis says, pressing his fingers hard on Liam’s biceps. They’ve lost a bit of their definition during their time off, but they’re still strong and they flex when Louis’s scratches them. 

Liam grunts some answer that Louis doesn’t listen to. He can feel Liam’s dick hard against his thigh and grinds up into it just as he feels Liam’s finger dips into the crease of his bum.

Fuck everything but this.

*

‘We should learn how to cook,’ Liam says, voice determined and pleased and stubborn. Louis is standing at the countertop in his kitchen - his own flat, for once - to ponder the kettle as it works up the energy to boil. There’s modern appliances and dark wood, sunlight streaming in the windows to bleach the warm creams and honeys of the walls to pale. None of the mugs match.

‘Was there something wrong with my toast?’ Louis asks over his shoulder, offended. Liam moves from where he’s been leaning against the doorframe. _Looking at my arse?_ Louis had asked, and _Well I am allowed now and it’s a perfectly nice arse_ Liam had answered. Louis had felt his jaw go slack as he put water in the kettle with a hard swallow and slow-blooming grin. 

‘The toast was perfect,’ Liam says, arms around Louis’s stomach and chest broad and warm against Louis’s back. He lines his arm up parallel with Louis’s so he can graze his knuckles along the softer skin on the underside of Louis’s wrist, who turns his hand abruptly with a curse to grab the edge of the counter, because Liam being this-kind-of-near seems to make that _advisable._

Liam nips his ear and presses a kiss to the skin on his neck beneath it. ‘It was perfect for breakfast, too,’ he says, the _when we eventually got up to make it_ left unsaid except for the way that Louis reaches up to touch a fingertip to a new, red lovebite on Liam’s neck.

Louis groans and it’s not entirely from Liam’s mouth working on his earlobe like he’s never going to have anything better to do or any reason to rush. ‘Cafes. We go _out_ for the food. It’s what they’re there for.’ 

Liam’s hand is moving in slow circles on his hip, fingertips dipping under his waistband and knuckles pushing up his t-shirt hem. His nose is cold as it brushes the back of his neck with an affectionate graze. There’s a beat after he lifts his nose away when Louis takes a sharp breath, _expecting,_ but nothing happens, and just as he’s breathing out Liam presses a closed mouth, long kiss to the corner of his jaw. 

‘But think of how much closer the food would be to the bed.’ 

‘Master of suspense, Liam Payne,’ Louis grinds out between his teeth. Who’d have thought?

There’s a laugh that Louis _feels_ in the chest pressed against his back and he can’t help rocking back a little against Liam. The hand under Louis’s shirt twitches, fingers pressing harder into the skin just under his ribs. Louis's grip tightens on the countertop. The water in the kettle starts boiling. Louis eyes it with contempt. Cheeky bastard. He’s been meaning to buy a new one for ages. 

Against his jaw, he can feel Liam’s teeth scrape against his stubble, a small breath escaping him. Liam’s hips are tight against the small of his back and he keeps himself pressed against Louis. Tentative and curious in a way he never thought he could be, Louis licks his lips, and rocks back again. Liam makes small sound that’s most muffled by the way he’s sucking a hot kiss against Louis’s jaw and by the blood rushing in Louis’s ears as Liam _pushes back_ , fingers flexing against his ribs. 

It’s already bad enough he knows that Liam wakes up half hard near every morning, but this. Louis inhales sharply. 

Just as he’s about to say _sod breakfast_ and push Liam back across his kitchen and through onto his sofa because, a) he can and b) his bed feels too far away, the kettle signals it’s done. 

Louis is okay ignoring it. It’s not like they can’t make more tea later and he’s sure he has biscuits somewhere. That’s food. Liam, however, doesn’t seem to have the same idea as Louis, or at least a slightly different one, because he drops his hands from under Louis’s shirt - Louis _does not_ whine - and reaches around him to grab the kettle. With a last brush of his nose against Louis’s temple he goes to fix up the tea. 

Without the weight and heat of Liam at his back Louis feels cold and too light, like his knees might need the extra support, like he could drift away any second or worse yet _wake up_. He half-turns, pressing his side hard against the counter. Not the ideal support, but it would have to do with Liam across the kitchen, which suddenly feels too large.

‘W-wait,’ he clears his throat, ‘what’s this now?’ Louis is not glaring at the spoon and fork Liam settles in the mugs to hold the tea bags down, because that would be childish, but the thing is Liam has really nice hands. Hands that had been on Louis less than a minute ago. He’d quite like them back.

‘I thought you wanted tea and food,’ Liam says, settling the kettle back on its post as they wait for the tea to brew. His eyes slide over Louis slowly and Louis never once thought he’d be able to see Liam’s eyes like they are now. Soft, teasing, dark. (Something in Louis jumps at the knowledge over the fact that look is because of him.) His shirt hasn’t quite settled back all the way back over his hips after Liam rucked it up and the small strip of exposed skin there feels too hot under Liam’s gaze. 

Who would have known that Liam Payne would be just a filthy tease? 

Louis doesn’t know whether he wants to cry out in frustration or be utterly delighted. He settles on somewhere in the middle. It’s been a very interesting and emotionally dizzying week.

‘It _would_ be the responsible thing to do, can't have you starving on me before I’ve had my way with you,’ he waggles his eyebrows and hops up onto the counter. Liam’s cheeks pink a little, but something sparks in his eyes that make the heat in Louis’s belly coil. 

Liam’s eyes dart down at their tea and bites his lip, which is unfair, because Louis would like to be doing that to his lip so he doesn’t have to. Whatever Liam was thinking about the tea however is forgotten and he moves back towards Louis. Yes, good, Payner. 

The minute he’s close enough again Louis hooks his legs around Liam’s waist and tugs him the last few steps. 

‘Tea will get cold _again,’_ Liam mumbles, but his hands are already back by Louis’s hips. Very good. Louis pulls him in closer. Liam’s hair is getting longer, the soft prickling of his buzz cut under Louis’s palm all by but gone, but it’s still soft where it’s slightly longer at the top - where Lou doesn’t trim it - and Louis can almost dig his fingers in. 

‘No it won’t.’

Liam nudges his nose against Louis’s, and he’s grinning as Louis nips at his bottom lip. ‘It will.’

‘We’ll see,’ he says, thumbs just at each side of Liam’s jaw, tilting his face closer. Liam leans into him so easily. He follows the pace Louis is setting. It’s closer to how it was that first time edging on the verge of desperate which is fine since that’s exactly how Louis feels. He’s not sure why. Even with Liam around him, keeping him steady and from falling off the edge of the counter, all Louis wants is to press into Liam like Liam’s hands had pressed into him earlier. Hard, like they were the only thing keeping him standing. He can still feel the pressure on his skin. He wants to feel it again. Wants Liam to hold him tight again like he was afraid Louis might fly off. 

Going to suck at Liam’s bottom lip, which really should be deemed a health risk, he bites a little hard. It’s not enough to break skin but enough that Liam moans into his mouth and his fingers at Louis’s hips dig in even harder than before. 

He makes a happy sound, winding his arms around Liam’s neck. Liam’s fingers dig in harder, quick learner.

Liam’s mouth opens and he kisses Louis back, sucking Louis’s tongue in an absolutely filthy way that has Louis’s tightening his grip around Liam’s waist. He can feel Liam press tighter against him and he barely even feels it when his head hits the cupboard behind him. From the way one of Liam’s hands moves up and cradles Louis’s head, sliding his palm between Louis and cool wood, it’s clear he didn’t. Louis isn’t sure how Liam can still focus on something else beside what they’re doing, because he can’t. At all. 

Then, just as quickly as Liam as deepened the kiss, he slows it back down. The thumb resting at the nape of his neck rubs slow circles that are practically making Louis melt. He moves from Louis’s mouth, kissing his way down Louis’s neck, sucking hard at the skin there. _Bonafide love bite from Liam Payne_ , Louis thinks. He’s been racking up quite the collection. Everyone in the world should be jealous of him right now. 

‘Liam,’ he sighs, scratching his nails softly against Liam’s scalp. Liam sighs against where he’s stretched out the collar of his shirt to get to Louis’s collarbone. He’s got a palm flat against Louis’s ribs, back under his shirt, and Louis isn’t sure when that happened, but it’s nice. Liam’s hands are so warm. He’s soft and solid around Louis but there’s an edge in him, one Louis can feel too well. His thighs tighten around Liam’s hips, pulling them closer together, and they both groan. It’s nice to know he’s not alone in this.

‘See, if we did cook all the food would be burnt by now.’

Liam laughs against Louis’s cheek and lifts his head. Their breaths are coming in a little too ragged. He’s got that smile that makes Louis feel like he’s as old as what the PR folk think their fanbase is. He can’t help smiling back and leans forward and drops kisses on Liam’s cheek and then a soft one on his swollen pink lips. 

Liam’s smile grows wider and leans back just enough that Louis can sit up straight. His hand slides down to Louis’s neck. Throat working, he traces the thumb of his free hand against Louis’s chin. ‘I think the tea will be lukewarm at least.’ He moves back like he doesn’t want to. Louis’s arms and legs drop from around him, feeling the same. 

He licks his lips, takes a deep breath, and jumps back down, keeping to Liam’s side as they go to grab their mugs. He slides his arms around Liam’s waist, leaning up to kiss at Liam’s jaw like Liam had done to him before. 

‘Just how I like it.’

Liam knows better of course, but he still giggles and rolls his eyes at Louis. They stand, drinking their lukewarm tea, leaning into each other’s space, discussing Places To Brunch - as breakfast has officially passed them by in a haze - while they snack on biscuits (see he knew he had some!) as Louis is trying to convince Liam to let him feed him when Louis’s phone rings. 

His mother and sisters faces look goofily up at him under _HOME_ and-

Oh shit, that’s right.

Louis might, _might_ , groan out loud, causing Liam to raise his eyebrows. 

‘It’s my mum.’ 

Liam giggles, which is the cutest fucking thing, and Louis leans forward to kiss him quickly. Flushing, Liam licks his lips, like he’s trying to taste Louis and fucking hell, his mother has the worst timing in the world. Liam, however, seems to sense his internal struggle. 

‘You talk to your mum, I’ll go shower.’

This time Louis does whine as a montage of Wet Liam (quite possibly to the bridge of _You & I_, which doesn’t make Louis feel anything but a gross amount of affection and lust. All of which is very unhelpful.) flashing across his mind. ‘That might be the meanest thing you’ve ever said to me!’ 

Liam laughs, kisses his cheek and Liam stares at Liam’s arse as it leaves, taking the rest of him with him, before answering his phone. ‘Mum! The horrible timing award is yours!’

*

Of course, the thing Louis hadn't considered before sleeping with Liam was that he'd agreed to go to Doncaster for the actual weekend, and one does not break such promises lightly, and his first thought is to tell Liam he's coming with him. But. It's a bit, well, quick. Except it wouldn't be the first time. Except it's different. And they just started this thing -- relationship, part of him whisper; part of him that just can’t deal with this right now because even thought he _knows_ this is going to be a relationship, capital R, it’s only been less than a week since they first kissed. 

There's only one thing to do: phone Harry while Liam's in the shower.

‘How can I get Liam to agree to go with me to Doncaster today for the weekend, because I promised mum about a three weeks ago that I would?’ Louis says in lieu of ‘hello’. Time is of the essence. 

Harry sounds half asleep, but he doesn’t miss a beat. ‘I’d reckon something like “Liam, babe, fancy going to Doncaster with me for the weekend?”’

‘That’s incredibly unhelpful, Harold.’

‘Wha- How so?’

Louis bites his lip staring at his half closed bathroom door. ‘We just... I mean...’ he swallows, and ignores Harry’s laughter at his fumbling, because Harry doesn’t know. They haven’t told anyone. 

This phone call is a horrible idea. 

Are they telling people?

They should, shouldn’t they? It would a mess otherwise. Except, Louis thinks, hand fisting on his knee, what if they bollocks this up? It’s barely been days. Louis once ruined a phone, suit, and limited edition shoes in less time. This time it wouldn’t be fixed with a simple chat to their parents or the lads or having someone toss out a press release. If they bollocks this up it’s would be--

Devastating, Louis thinks. His chest tightens at the thought. 

Louis should probably talk about this with Liam. Not Harry, who is adding more unhelpful words to this already unhelpful conversation.

Harry’s voice is infinitely patient when answering Louis. ‘Lou, you do _know_ Liam’s already met your family, right?’ 

Louis growls. 

He should tell Harry.

‘It’s entirely different now.’

‘Uh, how?’ 

Louis takes a pause. He didn’t mean to say that.

‘We had plans for the day. I don’t want him to think I’m bailing on him. Liam gets sensitive about that.’

And like that he doesn’t tell Harry.

Harry just laughs. ‘It’s not like you’re married, Lou! And you know Liam would happily go with you if you really wanted. Where’s Liam now?’ 

Louis blinks. ‘Um, the loo. Uh, showering.’

Which doesn’t sound romantic at all. Nope. They’ve showered at each other’s houses plenty of times.

‘Hmmm,’ Harry hmms, like he’s Considering The Situation. ‘ Well, I can promise, Liam will say yes if you ask him to go away with you for a weekend. He’ll be excited about it. Like a puppy or something. We have the weekend off and our Liam does like an adventure.’

That is all true and Louis can’t help but smile. Excited Liam is so cute.

‘Just ask him! I’m going back to sleep.’ Harry says and then Louis hears the beep of the call ending. Unhelpful lanky bastard, he thinks affectionately and then watches his bathroom door. He probably should have told Harry.

He thinks about Liam in his bathroom. (He can hear him singing Drake. Louis grins.) First, because he needs to figure out a way to ask Liam to come back to Doncaster with him without making sound like a trip to Meet The Family, but also because the images of wet, _excitable_ Liam need some strict attention. He really should have joined him.

*

When Liam steps out of the bathroom in a pair of trackies Louis nicked from him months ago -- oops -- and nothing else save some stray water droplets on his shoulders and chest, Louis is diagonal on the bed, laying on his back, forearm slung over his forehead.

They might stare at each other for a beat or two or three. 

Liam clears his throat and it propels Louis into movement. He moves his arms and props himself up on his elbows. Fuck Liam is fit. Louis knew that already, obviously, but now that comes on the heels of the fact he knows how Liam looks like when he comes and is holding Louis down. 

You can’t blame him for needing to regroup.

Liam regroups faster.

‘How’s your mum?’

Louis’s eyes go a little unfocused as he looks at Liam before shaking his head a little and licking his lips. ‘Uh, fine. Fine.’ His hips shift on the bed. Liam turns to hide the grin he can’t quite bite down, which makes Louis flush and want to touch himself as Liam watches. Except. 

‘Actually, I have to tell you something. I mean, it’s not a big deal, but, well, there’s a thing I forgot about.’ 

‘Okay.’

Louis blinks. Liam moves across the room and sits by Louis’s knees. He curves a hand over the sharp jut of Louis’s hip and leans in. Louis might sort of melt against his mouth and that might never get old. Like ever. 

Liam moves his other arm around Louis’s back and they get lost in kissing until they both sag back onto the bed and Louis crooks a knee over Liam’s thigh. Louis curls his hands under Liam’s arms, over his shoulder blades, and when they pull away Louis feels calm and turned on and the weight of Liam is all too welcome. 

‘If what you knew was that I like to snog in bed, then while I didn’t need the reminder, I very much appreciate it,’ Louis breathes out against Liam’s lips. Liam rolls his eyes.

‘So?’

‘I might have promised Mum I’d go up this weekend.’

For some reason Liam laughs and nudges Louis’ nose with his own. ‘Okay.’

‘I can’t back out.’

‘Okay.’

‘I don’t want to leave.’

Louis doesn’t know why Liam is still grinning. In some ways Liam will never not confuse him. He leans forward and kisses Louis, who hums against his lips, confused but the kisses. Liam is so good at kisses. ‘I don’t particularly want you to leave either, but it’s your mum. And you’ve missed the twins. All four of them.’

In some other ways Liam will always understand Louis, even when he doesn’t understand himself. It warms Louis chest to know this because he has missed his family. So much. Every year he feels he misses them more and more. He feels he misses out on more and more. It was pure luck he was around when his mum went into labor. 

But he doesn’t want to leave Liam and the choice should be simple. He should just ask Liam to come with him. He doesn’t know why he’s not. 

Groaning into his hands, he drops his head back on the bed.

He feels Liam pull at his wrists and tug them away gently. He nudges their noses together again.

‘Lou-’

Looking up at Liam, Louis sighs. ‘No, well, yes. It’s just,’ he shifts, turning to his side, and runs a hand over Liam’s ribs absently. He slots his fingers into the hint of bone and muscle by Liam’s ribs. He looks back up a Liam, ‘I want you to come home with me.’

‘Oh, well, if you want. I’d have to get a ticket,’ Liam says, like it’s no big deal.

Louis shakes his head, stresses, _’To see my family.’_

‘It wouldn’t be the first time, babe.’

It’s the first time Liam’s called him babe since they’ve kissed and changed everything. It feels more intimate. He really really likes it, especially how Liam is rubbing his thumbs against Louis’s cheeks as he says it. He narrows his eyes at Liam.

He can practically see when Liam clicks it together. 

His mouth goes a little dry, and, ‘Oh.’

‘See what I mean, it _is_ different!’

Louis has a whole rant built up which is lost completely when Liam kisses him. 

It’s really not fair he’s already figured out that trick, but he’s pressing Louis back down on the bed, half crawling over him, his hips pushing Louis’s down and licks his way into Louis’s mouth, so Louis can’t really complain. 

He does wonder if Liam understands why he’s so nervous. They haven’t told _anyone_. Louis isn’t sure he wants to tell anyone still. It gets complicated in his head, but he doesn’t want people to look at him and Liam and wonder what the fuck they’re doing. He justs wants to keep the bright and warm feeling of _Liam and him_ as long as he can.

They’re such huge part of each other’s lives and now it feels bigger. More important. Louis can’t lose it. Doesn’t want anyone picking at it.

He pulls Liam closer to him.

Liam leans back, skimming his lips against Louis’s cheeks. ‘I love you. I want to go home with you. Have your mum ask me my intentions towards you. All that stuff.’ 

Louis blinks up at Liam and smiles, because Liam sometimes does not feel real. They know each other so well that sometimes Louis doesn’t think that Liam can surprise anymore, but then he says or does things that just floors Louis. He surges up, pressing their mouths back together and sucking at Liam’s bottom lip. ‘I love you, too, Li,’ he bites at Liam’s mouth softly, and then, ‘And don’t worry, mum already loves you.’

Liam grins against his mouth, ‘That was before I started snogging her boobear.’

‘Ugh, never use that name while we’re in bed, ever again,’ he grumbles and they kiss for a few minutes more, soft and lazy and Louis can’t help think this might be the best morning of his life. They roll to their sides and he cuddles to Liam’s chest, throwing one leg over Liam’s hips, slotting them closer together.

‘So you’ll come to Doncaster with me? Because I really don’t want you to leave today. I wanted to stay in bed all day.’

‘Of course,’ Liam nods, smiling a little and cups Louis’s jaw, ‘I don’t want to leave you, either.’

Louis grins, and giggles, ‘That was proper romantic, wasn’t it?’

Liam rolls his eyes and kisses him again, quick. ‘Not any more.’ Louis pouts. ‘And for the record I wanted to say in bed, too. Remember the whole point of learning to cook was so we could stay in bed.’ He runs his hand down Louis’s back, stopping just over the curve of his arse. Louis automatically shifts closer. He probably should feel embarrassed about how much he loves Liam’s hand on his ass, but well why bother.

‘Liam, just… I want you to come home with me.’ 

‘Yes, you’ve mentioned.’

‘But,’ and Louis watches Liam tense. Liam, who knows him so well, and will play any game Louis asks him to. Except this is not a game. But it’s selfish. Louis knows it’s so selfish but the words still rush out of him.

‘I don’t want to tell anyone just yet. It’s just we haven’t really talked about it. This. Us.’

Liam’s breath whooshes out and says nothing. He looks like he’s thinking about it and Louis stares at him, willing to wait for Liam.

Liam keeps saying nothing, just looking at Louis, and Louis wants to smack himself. Wants to smack Liam. He should have never said anything. 

‘Unless, you-- I guess, I mean. Mum can keep a secret--’

‘We’ll wait until we’re both ready,’ Liam interrupts him. He’s looking at Louis so softly, so fucking fondly, and he lifts a hand to drag through Louis’s fringe. 

‘Liam, you don’t-- Look, we can tell-- it’s not like--’

‘No, it’s fine. Just you and me for while, yeah? Easier that way, for a bit anyway?’

Louis nods jerkily, but also very relieved. ‘And it’s You & I,’ he says, cheekily. 

Liam’s response is to roll his eyes and kiss him again, mumbling about needing to buy new train tickets, but that gets mostly lost when Liam rolls back and Louis gets sprawled over him, fingers scrambling against Liam’s jaw. 

It doesn’t sound too bad. Just them.

Just for little while longer.

*

He’s in the middle of buying their new tickets because Liam _is going home with him_ and he want to make sure they’re seated together. There’s a twinge of guilt of buying brand new First Class train tickets home just to sit next to Liam but he mostly shrugs it off. They’re not that expensive, he thinks, but still there are the oddest moments where it freaks him out just how much disposable income he has. 

Liam comes out of the kitchen with their tea - finally actually steaming - and a plate of sandwiches. They’ve finally succumb to food, but not quite to leaving the flat. When pressed they will cook... sort of. Louis would just rather not, usually, he doesn’t have the mentality for cooking. Harry bemoaned the fact the whole time they lived together. 

He’s clicking on Pay button when Liam says the worst thing he’s said all morning, even worse than the cooking.

‘I’m going pop over to mine for a bit and...’

Louis does not let him finish. First he makes sure the tickets are bought and then turns and pounces on Liam.

‘Noooo, stay, remember, we don’t want leave each other alone today,’ he says, nuzzling Liam’s cheeks, ‘I know you do, we were in bed and it was all very romantic.’

Liam giggles and pushes at Louis’s face, but doesn’t shove him off. Louis likes this change. Not that even before Liam had the habit of pushing Louis or any of the other lads off, but he likes how Liam keeps him close now, how he keeps their faces mostly pressed together and shifts on the sofa to pull Louis between his legs. 

‘I have to get clothes if we’re going out of town.’

Louis absolutely loves the word _we_.

Still, he shakes his head, ‘You really don’t. I’m sure your have more than enough clothes here-’

‘Because you nick half my wardrobe.’

Louis rolls his eyes and keeps going, ‘And if you really do need something that you can always buy something there. We have shops, I promise.’

‘Lou...’

Sometimes it’s really ridiculous how careful Liam is with his money. It’s one of the many reasons he needs Louis in his life. There’s a list, actually. It’s surprisingly filled with un-filthy things. Much like pushing Liam to be spontaneous and going to Doncaster with Louis without packing properly. 

‘It’s just the weekend and you and me, and honestly if we do anything more than baby-sit the twins and take my family out to dinner I will die of shock.’ He shifts up to straddle Liam’s lap and drops kisses on Liam nose and lips. ‘We can share a suitcase. One of my big ones and if you need anything I will buy it myself.’ He raises his right hand and drops his left where he can feel Liam’s heart beat. 

‘Fine,’ Liam shakes his head and leans up to kiss Louis, ‘I need a toothbrush, then.’

Louis grins. ‘You seemed fine sharing my this morning.’ Liam rolls his eyes. ‘But fine, I will buy a brand new toothbrush. The best toothbrush!’ He moves his hand on Liam’s chest and pinches a nipples. Bites down on his lip as Liam’s hand automatically rises and curls around his wrist, tight but not painful and there’s that little edge of thrill that always happens when Liam does that. 

The edge gets much sharper when Liam tugs Louis’s wrist up to Liam’s lips and he sucks at the spot just between the quotation marks. Louis hisses. ‘With sparkles. Toothbrush with sparkles.’

‘You’re so ridiculous, why do I even like you?’

‘Admit it Payner, you can’t live without me!’ 

Liam chuckles against his skin and sucks at his wrist again, this time with a hint of teeth and _fuck_. He leans in and pulls Liam up into a headey kiss and then pushes off him, scrunching his nose and wagging his finger at him. 

‘Menace, you are.’ 

‘Learnt from the best.’

Smug is not a look that should look so sexy and sweet, but somehow Liam makes it work. He leans over and reaches to hand Louis his tea. Louis really tries not to look at the curve of Liam’s wrist and smile and think things that lead to words like _stay with me forever_. It’s very difficult though, especially when he sees Liam’s arrows point to him for a beat. 

‘You sure you don’t mind? Keeping it from everyone?’ He has to ask. He feels a bit like he backed Liam into his corner. Liam who is not the greatest liar and tells Zayn everything and his mum almost everything. 

Liam shakes his head. ‘Nah, it’ll be proper sexy, won’t it? Sneaking about? Lots of supply closets in arenas to hide in.’ He waggles his giant silly eyebrows and Louis wants to lean over and bite them, kiss them, press up against Liam until he can’t breath.

He takes the tea instead and then reaches out and traces one of the arrows. His arrow. Liam look down at Louis’s finger and then at Louis. He leans back on the sofa and pulls Louis with him.

‘We’ll share your suitcase, I guess.’

 _We_ is a great word, Louis has decided. Word of the day.

*

Of course it’s a parallel universe, Doncaster, and he’s chuffed as anything to be in it, but still. It’s like going back in time in some ways, back to a few months ago where being with Liam made his skin itch and his fingers curl, and touching him would have been so different. Now that Louis can touch Liam as much and however he want he knows he could never go back that. Even if they acting like they are. Back to a Louis-who’s-always-been-Louis. Louis who doesn’t spend every minute getting his hands on Liam. But Louis had been happily formulating all sorts of notions about what a nice routine that could have been. Lots of simple errands, a whole lot of nothing but films and games punctuated by kissing. The kissing featured prominently in this routine. 

Of course he’s delighted to be in a car in a street he grew up on, with Liam’s hand on his thigh (probably actually illegal, he expects to be stopped anytime. The police will notice Liam’s hand, as warm and comfortable as it is, and pin Louis with a glare that says ‘have you quite finished’). He’s missed his mum, his sisters, the house, all of it, really. He always does. 

However, the thing is, he’s never liked kissing someone as much as he does kissing Liam. And he means kissing as a thing they do, with some hands wandering, granted, but mainly the kissing. He’d love it to go somewhere but. Well. It doesn’t have to. For a bit. Liam’s very good at it. If Louis has to spend a few weeks learning how to make Liam as shaken apart as he makes Louis on a kitchen worktop, then oops what a pity but actually, that’ll do nicely. And there’s the fact that he’s older and wiser than Liam, who is secretly a teenager the way Superman is secretly Clark Kent, so he figures he’s going to win on patience. 

They hang around with his family, mostly. The girls are delighted he brought Liam along because Liam always lets them use him for whatever games they’ve got going on. He sits as Daisy paints his nails to match hers and watches Eastenders with Fizzy because they’re both addicted to it. 

Louis is holding Ernest and he wants to kiss Liam so badly he can taste it. Liam looks up at him just then and cocks his eyebrow and Louis goes half hard. He flips Liam the finger and goes back to pretending to bite his little brother’s finger. Little brother. He’d say he’s never had one before but he thinks of the band, how they needed him as much as he needed them. But it’s not completely like brothers, the band, the sense of brotherhood is deep and fierce and he’d do anything for them, just like he’d do anything for Ernest and his sisters, but looking up at Liam again, it’s just a bit different. Especially with Liam. 

Moving from the armchair to squeeze at Liam’s side, he smiles when Liam’s arm comes over him. It’s nothing he hasn’t done before, but it’s different now too. The love he feels for Liam has shifted about, evolved into something that threatens to do in his chest. Louis swallows. He’d do anything to protect it. 

He bites at the wrist Liam’s slung over his shoulder. It’s hard enough that Liam’s skin goes a bit red but it’ll fade in bit, Louis can tell. Liam stiffens at his side, but doesn’t say anything. He moves his hand, drags his finger down Louis’s jaw, nail catching in Louis’s stubble. 

That night they’re quiet as they fuck in the room Louis’s mum insisted he have in the house, even though he hasn’t lived at home in almost four years. It has it’s own bathroom. Louis presses Liam hard against the tile, tells him he’s thought about this since Liam’s shower the day before. He’s got one hand tight on Liam’s cock, the other covering Liam’s mouth, because Liam can get loud and the sound of running water only muffles so much.

When Liam comes, he sucks Louis's fingers into his mouth and reaches back, fisting his hand Louis’s hair, pushing Louis over the edge. 

He leaves a bite mark on Liam’s shoulder that will be covered by his shirts until it fades like the mark on his wrist. For now it feels like enough.

*

Tour looms closer.

It feels like a countdown. To what, Louis is unsure of.

*

Rehearsals, proper ones now, have them both exhausted. Nobody asks why Liam is always going home now with Louis even though he’s got a few brand new cars and a brand new flat. That they’d become practically attached to the hip even before they started this wonderful, bright, and scary as hell phase in their relationship stops many questions. 

Liam doesn’t seem to notice they don’t get asked questions or that due that they’ve still not told anyone at all.

At least he doesn’t act like he notices, content with going home with Louis and curling around each other during soundchecks and figuring out the very loose stage directions they’ll have for this tour. Louis just leans back against him and lets him whisper how maybe having so many ramps and pyrotechnics might be dangerous for Harry. 

His breath is warm against Louis’s ear and neck and squeezes Louis’s waist where his fingerprints left little marks. Louis snorts and elbows him and reaches back to pinch Liam’s thigh. 

Across the room he catches Zayn’s eye. 

Louis swallows.

*

‘So what’s up, bro?’ 

Louis looks up at Zayn and has to admit he saw this coming. Zayn might be his partner in crime, fellow brother in arms of mischief and chilling, but he has perfect Liam radar and gets overprotective to boot. 

‘Nothing,’ he answers catching the bottle of Lucozade Zayn tosses at him.

Zayn says nothing back, just raises his eyebrows.

Louis makes a show of opening the drink and taking a big gulp and then another and then finishes the bottle. Zayn only settles on the edge of the stage next to him. He flips open his lighter -- this fucking awesome Zippo that’s a replica of John Constantine’s, which he only knows because Zayn told him -- and flicks it shut. He does it a couple more times, not asking Louis anything else, not even taking out a cigarette and it’s so bloody patience and annoying.

He’s waiting for Louis to break and Louis just about could. It’s never been hard to talk to Zayn who never feels the need to fill Louis’s rare silences, who knows just how to wait him out. Who is flicking that fucking lighter open and close over and over. 

But he can’t get the words out.

He looks around for Liam, finds him with Niall racing around on the segways.

Liam looks so happy and he’s not sure why he’s pushing this, except--

‘Everything is good, mate. No worries.’

Zayn turns to him and does his staring thing which to be fair sometimes looks like he’s just zoning out on you, but Louis has known Zayn long enough to know that what he’s really doing is cataloguing everything around him. He looks from Louis to Liam and Niall and reaches up grabbing the cigarette he has tucked behind his ear. 

It’s this whole process watching Zayn smoke. He taps the cigarette on the lighter a couple of time before bringing it up to his lips and that’s when he flicks the lighter open, bending his head, cupping his hand around the flame. A few of the security guards eye them and shake their head but say nothing. Zayn is technically not supposed to smoke in the stadiums. 

Blowing out the smoke, he offers the cigarette to Louis. He takes it.

‘Alright, Lou. If you’re sure.’

Louis isn’t, but he still says, ‘Yeah.’

His mouth fills with smoke.

*

The height difference between him and Liam isn’t too large but it’s still enough that it’s fucking hot that Louis can wrap his thighs around Liam’s waist and grind against his stupidly (once more) defined abs in the back area of one of the lockers the stadium has.

They’re breaking for tea and the others have kipped off to do whatever while Liam dragged him around to the other end of the stadium where one of the open changing rooms are. Louis didn’t even bother to look around and see the names in cubbies as Liam tugged him into one the handicapped stalls and pushed Louis against the door. 

Louis groaned, feeling Liam’s hand on his bum, pulling him closer, but not enough. So not enough. 

Now it’s better, his legs tight around Liam and Liam sucking on his tongue reminiscent of how he sucked Louis’s dick in bed this morning. 

Liam is a menace. Louis fucking adores him. 

‘I think Zayn knows,’ Louis gasps out. Liam is licking down his neck and he’s got one hand between them pulling at Louis’s joggers. Louis drops his head back against the wall, gripping Liam’s shoulder as Liam reaches inside and wraps his hand around Louis’s dick.

He mumbles something against Louis’s neck. 

‘What?’

‘He doesn’t. He’s just worried you’re breaking my heart.’

That has Louis’s eyes popping open because _what the hell?_

(Also, when did he close his eyes?)

‘What?’ he says again.

Liam’s grin should be illegal. His mouth should be put under lock and key in some secret vault in the ocean. It drives Louis mad to the point of distraction. Quite literally as he tugs Liam’s face back up and bites and sucks at that obscene bottom lip. He feels Liam thrust up between his legs and the hand that has not stopped stroking Louis’s dick tighten just enough that Louis clenches. 

Liam is going to be the death of him. 

But he had a question and he’d like an answer.

‘What the bloody hell does that mean?’ setting his teeth against Liam’s pulse point.

Liam moans. ‘Did what mean?’

‘Me. Breaking your heart?’

Liam blinks and pulls away, not far, just enough to leg Louis wiggle down a bit, putting Liam’s erection just in line with his arse and fuck, he’s not sure how they’re keeping up with the conversation at all when all he wants (needs, needs so much) is for Liam to fuck him raw and fast in the bathroom stall. 

‘Oh, he knows I fancy you,’ Liam says like it’s no big deal, pumping Louis lazily, the sharp little thrusts of his hips making Louis hand’s clench on his shoulders. He doesn’t even complain, just pushes Louis harder against the tile of the wall.

‘He does?’ Louis gasps out.

‘Yeah, he’s worried.’ Liam grunts, the hand on Louis dick leaving, making Louis curse at him, but it moves to his arse and oh. Louis gets it. He tightens his thighs around Liam’s hips again, reaching out to one of the vertical bars in the stall and helps Liam position them.

Now he can feel Liam’s erection just against the crease of his ass, knows that if they were naked Liam would be almost pressing inside and that’s enough for him to forget what they were talking about as Liam pushes Louis hard against the wall -- Louis can feel the edge of the sink against one of his thighs -- and reaches back to stroke Louis again.

The next few minutes are a haze really. A wonderful, dirty, fucking glorious haze punctuated by Liam’s mouth on his, one hand stroking Louis, while the other digs into his bum under his pants, and Liam’s dick pressing just right as he thrusts into Louis. All Louis can do is hang on, quite literally, he thinks, and tell Liam just how when they get home he’s going to lay him down on their bed and rim him until he sobs.

Louis feels Liam come right then, his thrusts jerky and too fast. Liam’s teeth close over collarbone, just over where one of Ws of his tattoo curves and that sensation, that sharp prick of pain sharpening all the other sensations, pushing Louis over the edge. He comes messily in hot thick against Liam’s shirt and stomach and goes utter boneless.

*

‘Don’t think we’re not going to talk about it,’ Louis says when he remembers how to do words. Liam is by the sink. He’s stripped his shirt of and is cleaning off his stomach. Louis wants to go down on his knees and lick his come of Liam’s abs, then he wants to pull down Liam’s jeans and lick Liam’s. He reaches down and tucks himself back in into his pants and joggers and drags a hand through his damp hair. 

Maybe he can talk to Liam into a repeat performance later. 

‘Talk about what?’

‘Why does Zayn think I’m breaking your heart?’

Liam’s brows furrow and it’s honestly horrible how cute it is. Louis will not be distracted again. 

‘I told you, didn’t I? He knows I fancy you and well, we’ve been-- Look, he doesn’t know we’re giving a go, but we’ve been a lot more, um,’ Liam trails off, his cheeks flushing. Louis walks up to him and wraps his arms around his neck.

‘Are you trying to say he’s noticed our PDA?’ Louis smirks.

‘It’s not like we’ve been kissing--’

‘No more than usual.’ Which is a comment on how ridiculous they’ve always been, Louis can admit.

Liam grins, ‘No, no more than usual. But it’s a bit different, innit? How we,’ he doesn’t say anything else, but hauls Louis closer, nips at his jaw. And Liam hasn’t done anything like this in public but Louis knows what he means. There’s a new sort of intimacy in even their jokiest pokes and prodding. 

He nods. 

‘Yeah, we have.’

‘But he doesn’t know,’ Liam repeats. 

Louis stomach flips between relief and guilt. He knows why Zayn doesn’t know, why nobody knows. 

‘Do you want him to know?’

Liam looks at him and Louis doesn’t know what he sees in Louis’s face that makes his face go soft and not more than a little sad. Sad for who, Louis doesn’t even want to guess, the thought alone makes it feel his stomach is filled with rocks.

‘No, not yet. Just us, right?’ Liam dips down and kisses Louis, heavy and wet and tugging him closer that all Louis and taste and smell is Liam. The rocks in his stomach lose their sharp edges. Some disintegrate completely. 

‘And I have to admit, you were right, the sneaking around is hot.’

‘We’re like sex spies,’ Liam says, pulling away, moving to grab his shirt. Louis grins, eyes falling to where he can see the red press of his fingers on Liam’s shoulders. Thinks about the lovebite over his collarbone and reaches up to press his fingers to it. It stings a bit when he does. He moves towards Liam and stops him from pulling his shirt on. Liam looks at him over his shoulder as Louis traces the marks with his finger. He can see the faint half moon marks of his short nails. He moves closer, eyes on Liam, who has yet to look away from him, and bites the curve of Liam’s shoulder blade. 

Liam jerks and groans. Louis feels himself chubbing up. He presses against Liam hard for a second letting Liam feel him and then pats Liam’s bum and pulls away, adjusting himself.

‘The best sex spies,’ he says, grinning wide, his neck and shoulders feeling too hot and tight, but the comment cut the tension out the moment. By the time Liam shoves his shirt back down they’re laughing talking about food; being sex spies works up an appetite.

*

‘We’ll tell the lads before tour starts proper,’ Louis says.

Liam is unsuccessfully trying to make porridge and hums. ‘Okay.’

Louis narrow his eyes. ‘You do still want to tell them, right?’

And it’s a perfectly fair question. Liam hasn’t really pushed Louis to start telling people for ages, which is fine, really, they had needed that time just the two of them in the beginning especially with all the attention they get normally, but. _Liam hasn’t really pushed Louis to start telling people._

There’s a difference. He knows there is, he just can’t explain it, but there is. He starts rubbing at his wrist, hard.

Liam looks up from the hob, brows furrowing. ‘Of course I do. When we’re both ready, we agreed, didn’t we?’

‘We did.’

Louis doesn’t know how to tell Liam he feels ready, except when he doesn’t. Except when it feels like Liam just doesn’t--

Lovebites fade.

‘Right then,’ Liam says, he reaches out and tug Louis in by his wrist. Where the knot doesn’t tie together Liam’s fingers overlap and Louis wonders how he can get that feeling tattooed in. He thinking about the logistics of feelings tattoos and how to get Liam to squeeze his wrist a bit harder so Louis doesn’t feel like he’s floating away when Liam cups his head and tilts his face up for a slow kiss. His grip on Louis’s wrist tightens.

The tightness in his chest lessens by degrees.

*

The conversation is not forgotten but the start of tour gets so complicated that the subject of the conversation is. Liam is pushing himself to the point he’s grouchy enough it gets on Louis’s nerves and sure they fuck most of the frustration and stress out but some of it lingers.

The first show does a lot to calm them both down. 

They both love performing. Liam is made for the stage. Louis has never felt the same way about it himself but when he’s up there something fills him up so bright and blinding he can’t put it into words. Every inch of tension in him unravels in a way he’s never found beside in bed, and in all they have to do just to make it to the next day alive it just…

Liam isn’t pushing it.

He isn’t either.

They’re flying everywhere in South America and in a hotel in Peru Louis curls around Liam and has one truly horrible thought:

If they broke up nobody would know it was a break up at all.

The next morning he wakes up to Liam having gone with Harry to something hike. He remembers Ben mentioning it the day before and he, Zayn and Niall begged off, but now it just makes him so mad. 

He’s not sure why. He would have probably hate it.

Stomping to Zayn’s room, he pokes him until he wakes up and shakes a baggie in his face. Louis wants to yell, wants to tell Zayn he was wrong, wrong, wrong. Louis isn’t breaking Liam’s heart but right now it feels like Liam is breaking his. It doesn’t make sense. He knows he could call Liam right now and tell him to tell Harry, tell of fucking South American and Liam would. 

So why can’t he?

When Liam gets back that afternoon, Louis goads him into a fight. It’s petty and mean and Liam grips his wrist and tugs him away from the boys to ask him what the fuck is going with him.

The only answer he has is: You didn’t kiss me to shut me up like you do at home when I’m being a shit for no good reason.

He can’t say it either.

*

Things are a bit tense after that. 

It’s not like they stop talking or fight more, but there’s a feeling in his gut he feels reflected in Liam’s shoulders.

*

Liam still is shit at keeping his frustration hidden. Louis has become quite good at it, and even then it just tends to explode out of him as soon as he feels it. Liam lets it fester, lets it claw at him, but it always explodes when he lets it sit for too long. They all know this just a part of Liam, but what they never know is how it will come out. 

‘Niall asked me to go pull with him and Harry at the pool,’ Liam says when Louis walks into his room. They still each have their own rooms in the hotels. They share one of the rooms every night, Louis has become a bit addicted to sleeping with Liam’s body pressing against his in the best ways, but the they still have their own _separate_ rooms. Because nobody knows. 

It’s possible that the lads suspect and maybe his mum, but they’ve either decide to let Liam and Louis keep lying to them or they just haven’t figured it out. Louis isn’t sure why both thoughts bother him equally, but they do. He and Liam are hiding that they’re together, but someone must have sorted it out by now. Louis has always been horrible at keeping his hands off Liam and now he always wants to touch, touch, touch and press in until everything borders on too much. And Liam is just as bad. He strokes Louis all the time now, wraps his hand around his wrist or neck and squeezes, lips warm by Louis’s ear. It makes Louis shiver every time. 

How has nobody figured it out?

That’s what Louis wants to say. What he says is:

‘Well, did you?’

Liam glares and then sighs, rolling his eyes. ‘I went to the pool, I didn’t pull. Of course I didn’t.’

He’s not sure why he’s so relieved, because of course Liam didn’t pull. Liam is a serial boyfriend. His boyfriend. 

Louis suddenly just feels the incredible need to straddle Liam and make sure he remembers that. Because he can’t think of anywhere they have to be or anything they have to do he decides to do just that. 

Stripping of his vest top, because Liam is shirtless and bronzed and his, Louis crawls on Liam’s lap. Liam’s hands fall right on the curve of his bum and Louis wiggles closer.

‘Of course you didn’t,’ he grins, pecking Liam’s lips. ‘You have very fantastic boyfriend waiting for you at home. Very fantastic. So fantastic he’s going to blow you until you can’t think anymore.’

‘Lou,’ Liam groans and tries to kiss him, but Louis is already sliding down and pulling at Liam’s swim trunks. The sharp scent of chlorine has stuck on Liam’s skin, but it only makes Louis want to erase with his own. He bits at Liam’s hipbone and feels Liam’s hand clench in his hair.

Stripping Liam’s swimming trunks off, Louis mouths the crease of Liam’s thigh, revealing in his moan, before swallowing Liam down. He loves it. The sounds, the weight of Liam’s dick in his mouth, the way his jaw stretches and how Liam keeps his hand fisted in Louis’s hair. How fucking _his_ Liam sounds when Louis swallows him down and gasps out little warning before his hips hitch and pushes his cock deeper down Louis’s throat. 

Louis holds onto Liam’s hips hard enough to bruise as he works Liam with his mouth. It’s only when he reaches back brushes his fingers against Liam’s hole, pressing in just the slightest bit that Liam comes. He always tries to warn Louis, but Louis never listens. He sucks Liam down as far as he can and swallows.

There’s no feeling like it, having his mouth be used by Liam’s dick. 

Looking back up at Liam, he watches as Liam melts back into the couch, mouth red like he’s been biting it -- and he probably has -- and looks at Louis. He gasps out how what a good boy Louis, how much he loves him, how he wants to spread his ass cheeks and make him lick him. He stokes the edge of Louis’s dick fucked mouth and swipes the little of come that’s slipped out. Louis sucks that finger in and reaches into his trackies. 

Liam keeps his fingers in Louis’s mouth as Louis strokes himself until he comes messily into his hand, head falling to rest against Liam’s hip.

He feels Liam’s hands stroking his hair, then his shoulders, his nipples, pulling him back up. When Liam carries him to the bed Louis decides he wants to live in this moment forever.

*

He spoke too soon.

*

‘We are boyfriends, aren’t we?’ 

Louis looks up from where he’s sprawled out on the bed to where Liam is in his robe by the bathroom door. His entire body feels utterly fucked and blissed out. Liam has an award winning mouth and god Louis loves the feel of the beard burn on the back of his thigh. He had planned on contemplating the fact for another few minutes when Liam’s words cut through the the sex haze.

‘Of course we are, Li. How is it even a question?’

Liam shrugs in that horrible way of his that make Louis want to shove at him because it’s so sad and Louis hates when Liam is sad. A good shove and poke can always make Liam laugh.

‘Sometimes I don’t feel we’re boyfriends.’

Just like that the air has left the room.

Louis can’t think.

His mouth however has found a way to work without his brain.

‘What? What the fuck Liam?’

‘It’s just with the sneaking and I know we agreed and sex spies was laughs, but then we said we’d tell the lads before tour but we didn’t and we’ve just been sneaking around for months and I love you, Lou, but sometimes it just feels like we’re pretending at being boyfriends.’

There’s so much Louis wants to say. So much Louis wants to yell back at Liam, because fuck if he hasn’t felt the same the way. And fuck Liam for not talking to him about it. He can feel that ball of anger that he felt that say in the studio when he kissed Liam come back and he had thought it gone.

Except it’s not just anger. It’s fear. Fear that everything would blow up in his face if ever told Liam how he felt and here it is blowing up in his face. It’s worse however, than anything he imagined, because it’s not Liam rejecting him. It’s Liam saying it wasn’t enough.

Every word ever gets stuck in Louis’s throat except two.

‘Fuck you.’

Liam moves towards him, but Louis is already shoving his shorts on and stalking out of the room.

‘Louis!’

The hotel door slams behind him just as he realises it was his room and fuck everything. The wall is hard and hurts his hand when he slam his fist into it.

*

He runs into Niall in Harry’s room. 

‘I had a fight with Liam.’

Niall looks at him and shrugs. ‘Well you’ll work it out, you two always do.’

Louis wants to burn down the hotel room. He wants to stomp back into his room and call Liam a wanker, a bellend, a complete ruiner. He wants a fight, he realises, but looking at Nialler he knows it’s a bit unfair.

It’s so fucking unfair, he hates it.

Niall doesn’t know. Nobody does. Liam thinks Louis has been treating this as pretend and Louis wants to cry.

‘It’s not the same, Nialler. It’s-- fuck.’ 

Something in his voice must tip Niall off that’s not just a normal fight between mates. They all have those. They all get a bit tired of each other on tour and need a break from each other, but it’s too early for that. They’re barely in month four.

Niall moves towards Louis and slips an arm around his shoulder and pulls him into a hug. 

Louis wants to pull away. 

He clutches at Niall’s top and shudders. 

‘Tommo, Tommo, Lou!’ Niall says, shaking him. ‘You okay?’

‘Fine,’ he lies. Niall looks at him and roll his eyes.

‘Was it really that bad?’

Louis wants to keep lying. He doesn’t even know why when lying has been the reason they’ve reached this point but it’s like if making it real makes it real for other people to pick it apart. When nobody knew it was safer, except they picked it apart themselves, didn’t they?

‘I think we just broke up.’

Niall gapes. There is no other word for it. It’s not attractive. Louis tells him as much.

‘Fuck you, Tommo, you just dropped a fecking bomb.’ Niall pushes Louis down on the couch in Harry’s room. Louis notes the open banana peels and orange peels and the pale glitter nail polishes he knows Harry likes to paint his toes with. He used to pretend he would buy them for Gemma. Harry used to be such a shy little shit.

Liam just used to be shy. He used to close up his feeling and let them all do what they wanted around him. Louis hates _hates_ the idea that Liam might have been doing the same with them. That he hid his fears just to make Louis happy. And what Louis hates most of all is himself or making Liam he had to do that. 

Zayn once said Liam would do anything to make Louis happy. 

Thinking about the last few months with that thought in his head makes Louis want to throw up. 

But it’s not just his fault. Liam should have talked to him! They were partners now! They talked about everything and anything. Liam stopped being scared of Louis’s sharpness a lot time ago. They played and joked and loved each other.

Maybe being boyfriends was different, but it shouldn’t have been. 

They were still partners first of all. They were best mates.

They should have talked about what this new facet in their relationship meant months ago. Operating under the same guises as before had felt easy, simple, but now Louis is seeing that it had kept them from moving forward; acting like friends with benefits instead of what they had been. 

Boyfriends. 

He’s thinking about all of the mistakes they both made he almost misses what Niall asks. He might have missed everything Niall has said in the last three minutes but Niall doesn’t seem to have noticed. 

‘Well do you want to break up?’

Louis’s head snaps at Niall and scowls. How can Niall ask such a ridiculous question.

‘No.’

Niall nods and apparently in Niall’s world the answer is simple as that. ‘Then don’t. Talk to Payno. He’s a sap for you.’ He grins at Louis and then tilts his head, ‘You know this actually explains a lot.’

‘Like what?’

‘Well I’ve been wondering just how tired you hands been getting since neither of you have been trying to pull anyone, but also like the way you’ve been together. The way you’ve been,’ Niall screws up his face and scratches his nose, like he does whenever he’s trying to explain something obvious, ‘it’s been like, I dunno, closer. More private. Intimate, that’s the word!’ He snaps his fingers together. ‘Actually, I don’t know we didn’t pick up on it.’

Louis shrugs. ‘I was scared, I think, and that made Liam scared.’

‘Scared of what?’

Louis says nothing, picking at his shorts. The media, the reactions, the fucking world. Niall looks at him and nods like he gets it. He probably does. They don’t try to hide anything about themselves, but they’ve become protective, careful. Some things are too precious.

‘Like I said, talk to Payno. He’s probably felt the same. You two are like always in sync, even when you don’t think you are.’

‘Thank Nialler.’

‘Yeah, well I’m a genius.’

Louis snorts and then remembers something. He punches Niall in the shoulder.

‘Oi! What was that for?’

‘For trying to get my boyfriend to pull.’

Niall laughs. He gives Louis the finger and tosses him the remote. Louis is aware he needs to go and talk to Liam, but first he supposes a Brazilian soap opera is a good way to settle his nerves. He has for fucking clue how to convince Liam that they’re not breaking up and that Louis still wants everything with him. 

*

When he leaves Harry’s room, Harry still isn’t back and Niall punches his shoulder. 

‘What was that for!’

Niall pushes him out the door. ‘For not telling us, now go get your boyfriend back.’

‘Sod off.’

*

When he gets back to his room part of him hopes Liam waited for him. He didn’t. The room is empty, the bed still unmade from when they shagged. Half of Liam’s clothes are still thrown around. It makes Louis’s heart ache. It’s near midnight, Liam is probably sleeping their row off in his room or Zayn's. That’s why Louis doesn’t go look for him. 

That’s what he tells himself. 

It’s not that looking at the room he feels too raw their words heavy in the air. Deciding he can’t sleep in the room, he grabs some clothes and goes to Niall’s room. He’s not there, still probably in Harry’s. 

Louis crawls into Niall’s bed, dressed in one of Liam’s hoodies and tries not to cry again.

*

They don’t have a show today, which relief because while they can all get on with the show even at the worst of times, right now Louis feels this is the worst of worst of times. He spends the morning talking with his mum and tells her that when they’ll get back he’ll visit. And though he doesn’t tell her, he hopes that this time when Liam goes with him he’ll still be his boyfriend and he’ll snog him right in front of everyone.

When the afternoon rolls around Louis makes himself find Liam. They had planned a writing session in Liam’s room. Their writing sessions have become more like excuses to make out and shag, but they still do some writing. 

Louis knocks on the door of Liam’s room and hopes that Liam is there. If Liam isn’t he’s not sure what it’ll mean but it makes his chest feel tight.

The door opens. 

Liam looks like he hasn’t slept, eyes bruised, hair messy and limp. Louis wants to kiss him forever. 

‘Hey,’ he breathes, feeling nervous in a way he hasn’t in years. 

Liam’s hand clenches at his side. 

‘Hey.’

‘I don’t want to write today,’ Louis says and curses himself in the same breath when he sees Liam’s face fall. 

‘Oh--’ Liam steps back and no, that’s can’t happen. Louis reaches out and grabs Liam’s hand. He tugs Liam back towards the doorway.

‘No, I mean,’ Louis swallow. ‘I want to talk. We should talk.’

Liam nods. ‘Yeah, we should.’

They stay silent for a couple long minutes, Liam’s hand still in Louis’s grip. Liam’s eyes are so big and brown and Louis wants to never look away from them. 

‘I shouldn’t have run away.’

‘I shouldn’t have said that.’

Louis shakes his head. ‘No, you were right. It was a shitty way to say it but you were right.’

Liam sighs, ‘I didn’t mean it like that. I know we’re not pretend. I know that, it’s just we kept lying and acting like it was no big deal, but it was.’

Louis feels his airways close up. ‘Was?’

‘ _Is_ ,’ Liam says, tugging Louis closer by their joined hand. ‘Is. Right?’

Nodding frantically, Louis raises his other hand to grip Liam’s shirt. ‘Is. Very much is.’

Liam looks so relieved it almost makes Louis laugh. He thinks of Niall’s words. _He’s a total sap for you._ He think of Zayn worrying he would break Liam’s heart. He thinks of Harry saying Liam would do anything Louis wants. 

Maybe the lads hadn’t know about them, but they knew them, and knew that in some ways they were already totally gone for each other.

‘Good. I don’t want to break up.’

‘I don’t want to break up either.’

‘We can’t hide anymore,’ says Liam at that, his voice going a bit hard like it does when he’s trying to convince Louis of something important. He doesn't even have to try this time. Louis is a hundred percent on board. 

‘We won’t, I promise. I was just scared. I didn’t want anyone to ruin this, because this is so important to me and I love you, Li. I didn’t want anything to fuck that up, but then I was fucking it up.’

‘You weren’t,’ Liam shakes his head. ‘I understood. Really, I did. And to be honest, mate, I was scared too. When we were with the girls everyone thought it was their business and they weren’t even famous. Zayn and Perrie have been through so much shit, and I didn’t-- I wanted to protect you from that.’

Louis does laugh now, but it’s breathy and relieved. ‘I wanted to protect _you_ from that.’ He steps closer and wraps an arm around Liam’s waist. Liam lets him. Louis want to rejoice and kiss his mouth. 

‘Really?’ Liam asks, grinning like he does when he’s confused people have put him first. 

‘Of course, you’re my boyfriend, Li. I didn’t want anyone being mean to you.’

‘I would yell really rude things at anyone who was mean to you,’ Liam says, fierce and beautiful, bringing up their still joined hands together and tangles their fingers together. He dips down to kiss Louis’s cheek.

‘I love you, too.’

Louis grins. 

‘So, no breaking up?’

Liam shakes his head. ‘No breaking up.’

‘And this time we’ll really tell the lads.’

At this Liam starts. His eyes get wide and he takes a step back from Louis, bumping into the door of his room that is still open. It’s enough that Louis can look past him and--

Well.

‘Hi, Lou.’

‘Hey, bro.’

‘You told me last night.’

Louis snaps his gaze back to Liam, who is red and clutching Louis’s hand like a lifeline.

‘Uh, they showed up earlier.’

Louis look from their bandmates to Liam and back. ‘And you didn’t think to mention it?’

Liam flushes redder. ‘You started talking-- I sort of forgot.’

Behind Liam Louis hears who he’s sure is Harry coo, of course, the romantic, but he slants a look at Liam.

‘You _forgot_?’

Liam shrugs, but this time he’s grinning and Louis can’t help but grin back, feeling a surge of warmness that’s specific to Liam and he calm the deepest part of Louis. This is how it should have happened months ago, part of him thinks, if they hadn’t been such knobs. If they hadn't forgotten that out of everyone else in the world their boys would never make them feel anything but safe and loved.

‘I love you?’

Louis groans dramatically and throws his arms around Liam’s neck and proceeds to snog the living daylight out of him. They trip against the wall, knocking the into one of frames the hotel room as by the room door. ‘You’re so lucky you’re fit as fuck,’ Louis says, biting Liam’s mouth. He feels Liam squeeze his neck and yes, this is perfect. 

It takes about three more seconds, and Liam’s tongue doing something incredibly dirty and perfect against Louis before the complaining starts. Both Louis and Liam flip the fingers at their bandmates and that’s when Harry and Zayn’s brains decide to click on. 

‘Hold on a minute, Niall knew?’

Louis hears Niall defend himself, but he’s only focused on Liam, who’s looking down at him, eyes soft.

Yes, more than enough.

*

‘When do you want to tell everyone else?’

Harry asks the question a few hours later. 

The answer burns bright in Louis and he looks at Liam, waggling his eyebrows. Liam frowns, wary, but he hooks his on Louis’s shoulder and kisses his cheek.

‘Whenever Louis wants.’

*

‘You sure?’

Louis grins at Liam, who takes such good care of him, who holds him and makes Louis feel safe and grounded and wild all at once. Liam, whose fingerprints Louis can still feel on his thighs and carries dark purple love bites on his neck he never hides, and love him so much.

They talked about this. They talked about this a lot and they’ve told everyone they’re together. 

Everyone except--

*

It’s habit to play around during Harry’s ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ solo. Most fans still can’t look away from Harry, but there’s always people looking to see what Liam, Louis, Zayn, and Niall are doing. 

It’s so easy to smile as Liam turns to him. It’s so easy to reach and poke his cheek, and it’s the easiest thing of all to kiss Liam back when he pecks Louis lips, soft and quick, like he’s done a million times before, which he has. Behind them, Harry keeps singing his solo, Zayn and Niall shake their heads. They don’t do anything on stage they don’t all agree on, it’s a Band Rule.

The videos go viral and Liam and him laugh and kiss in bed as they ignore the tweets that don’t stop pinging on their phones.


End file.
